Depression sucks. It’s an invisible weight that pulls on you, slowing your moving and thinking, blunting your feelings, diminishing your capacity for happiness, and makes difficult to reach out for help. Depression tricks you into believing that your problems are worse than they are, that no one will care about them, and that it’s best to deal with them alone or to suffer in silence.
It’s important to note that there are varying levels of severity when it comes to depression.
It’s best practice to get evaluated by a trained professional for better insights and treatment options.
ADHD - for me - is this push and pull of forces, often an all-or-nothing structure of thinking and perceiving the world around me. It’s either on or off; rarely is there an in-between.
Motivation, by its very nature for a person with ADHD, is really hard to corral. It almost feels like, at times, you are subservient to the all-or-nothing inertia of ADHD: all accelerator or all brakes; there seems to be no in-between.
Depression might dampen what might otherwise have been an opportunity for enthusiasm and interest in new tasks or ideas.
An automated “what’s the use?” thought is all that might be needed to unravel a series of ideas.
You might have heard of ADHD paralysis – that immobile state where your body is unable to move, yet your mind is racing with thoughts, concerns, and shoulds. You know you “need” to do something but are physically unable to act.
From my experience, depression plays a part in my inaction or indecisiveness.
However, it’s sometimes a matter of the feelings that are driving paralysis; am I overwhelmed from taking on too much or underwhelmed because of depressive feelings?
Is it ADHD or Depression?
I don’t know if this is a “chicken or the egg situation,” but ADHD seems to induce depression-like symptoms and vice versa. You struggle to get things “right” or on time, so you retreat into your mind, acting as your worst critic. You might call yourself “stupid” or “lazy.” Perhaps you have heard these appraisals from others in the past.
Negative self-talk is an insidious type of maladaptive coping mechanism.
Despite your best efforts, you still fail to meet deadlines or expectations.
You return to the internal world of self-doubt and self-blame.
In addition, you might start comparing yourself to others. “If only I were like so-and-so, I would be doing much better. They seem to have everything together.”
Let’s look at this thought string and its effects.
“If only I were like so-and-so” – forming a basis of comparison that puts someone else’s efforts on a pedestal while diminishing your own.
“I would be doing so much better.” – that all-or-nothing thinking: I cannot do any better on my own; I need to be like someone else.
“They seem to have everything together.” But do they? How is that established, and does meeting deadlines directly mean this person has “everything figured out?”
Your thoughts are not facts.
Why People with ADHD & Depression Struggle with Motivation
Motivation is not something that is easily conjured up for a person with ADHD. We often need to “hack” our brains and motivation systems to find a reason to do something. I call this the “connective tissue” that connects the small tasks (e.g., HW) with something bigger (e.g., the final exam).
The problem is people with ADHD struggle tremendously with time and waiting. In other words, it’s not at the forefront of our minds if it's not happening right now. Literally, our prefrontal cortex is not actively processing that task due to executive functioning issues.
The other issue is that ADHDers need novelty as much as expediency to “care” about a task, important or mundane. If an assignment is due in two weeks, I will not concern myself until I have just a few hours left!
This creates a cycle of procrastination, panic, frenetic efforts, panic, and then still getting the assignment in 5 (or more) minutes late.
Thus reinforcing these negative lines of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions associated with tasks like schoolwork.
Part of the problem is the ADHDer struggling to see why this assignment or task is important. Again, that connective tissue is missing, further reinforcing how “pointless” or “dumb” it is at that moment in time.
Deadlines become something of a negative reinforcement.
You breathe a sigh of relief that the stressor is gone, but there are still more coming up (and soon).
When it feels like you are constantly behind in your responsibilities, losing momentum in your efforts becomes easy. Constantly having to fix things, cut corners, and retrace your mental steps to remember something, all while trying to keep track of all papers or files.
The mindset begins to shift to thoughts of “this is pointless.”
“I cannot do this.”
“I should just give up.”
Where the mind wonders, the body is apt to follow.
Complacency & Ambivelence
Sometimes, it’s hard to determine if it’s ADHD enhancing the depression-like symptoms or if depression is strengthening the indifference component of ADHD.
It becomes easy to allow ambivalence to take over your mindset. The conflict of two feelings happening simultaneously is both taxing and distracting. I feel that I am a good student, but I am in a class that is too difficult or fails to challenge me uniquely.
Repeated exposure to situations where you don’t feel in control can promote a sense of helplessness, a conditioned inability to see how your effects can directly result in a desired outcome. If I experience my parents fighting at a young age, I might hesitate to resolve conflict later in life because I have “learned” that I effect no change in these situations. If my early educational experiences resulted in failure or significant struggles, I might look to external reasons for my (positive or negative) outcomes.
“The teacher took it easy on me.”
“I got lucky on that one.”
“I suck at giving presentations, so I knew this would happen.”
If Sisyphus Can Find Happiness, So Can I!
I learned in therapy that self-labels such as “stupid” are objectively hurtful but also further reinforce one’s depressive tendencies, affecting both cognition and physical symptoms.
Those negative self-talk patterns fuel skewed internalized perceptions of ineptitude.
If I think I am stupid, I will trust my judgment less, resulting in hesitation and doubt.
The more I hesitate, the more I overthink things, furthering the spiral of negativity.
I guess ADHD and depression reflect the efforts of Sisyphus. Punished to carry a stone up a hill only for that stone to fall back down and for Sisyphus to repeat this process forever. This is analogous to the human condition; we persist despite our efforts to find meaning, connection, and satisfaction when these thoughts, feelings, and reinforcements are absent.
A “thankless job” can be taxing, and it can be difficult to find motivation when your efforts are recognized.
However, despite this lack of acknowledgment, we push forward and reach out to help others!
There are ways to mitigate ADHD & Depression!
Motivation is the delicate balance of desire, planning, and action. Depression can hinder motivation through faulty thoughts and feelings; ADHD may compound these difficulties with executive function dysregulation.
Start with your self-talk systems. Identify (out loud if needed) the negative thoughts and ruminations that swirl in your head. Call these thoughts out and challenge your perceptions. The more you persevere, the more you must reframe your thinking actively.
Journaling can help you record your thoughts and maintain accountability toward change.
Conduct honest conversations about your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions with a trusted person (partner, parent, therapist, etc.).
Recognize that your thoughts are not facts, and intrusive thoughts are fleeting.
Assess the environments fostering these negative lines of thinking, including the people around you.
Accept that you are capable of change and that hard work is required!
When you catch yourself putting yourself down, call it out. Struggling does not mean you are weak, incompetent, or a failure. Actively seeking support is a sign of strength!
Restructuring how you structure your life may help you find more intuitive ways of engaging in executive functioning skills that work better for you.
Recognize your efforts and successes, and don’t dwell on setbacks. (easier said than done, I know)
Look at yourself as an ongoing work in progress.
You might want to reword your thoughts to yourself actively. If you catch yourself saying you are “lazy,” reword it to something more productive. “I am not lazy; I am struggling to find my drive to do something.”
Identify your wants rather than your shoulds.
Incorporate other rewarding aspects to your tasks, like music or a treat for completing the task.
Change your surroundings.
Set timers for difficult tasks to avoid dwelling on your lack of progress, and strategically shift to easier tasks.
Body double with someone to feel a sense of urgency.
With depression, it can become very easy to feel “stuck” in your suffering; volunteering your time might give you separation from your thoughts by focusing on someone else.
Combat feeling worthless by demonstrating your abilities by helping someone else simultaneously.
Remind yourself that you are not alone and not a burden to others. (Again, easier said than done).
For ADHD, ownership is a big part of growth, and taking responsibility demonstrates maturity.
Set smaller goals or break larger tasks into smaller pieces.
Actively seek out that connective tissue to find the bigger picture!
Access support for challenging tasks and be open to new ideas.
To Summarize…
You are not your symptoms, nor should you be viewed only by how you present yourself. You are a complex mosaic of thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and experiences.
You are capable of change, show yourself grace, and find gratitude in what you can and cannot change.
Motivation starts with your goals, interests, passions, and reasons to try. How you act will reflect how you treat yourself internally; however, your thoughts are not facts!
I humbly ask that you find ways to love yourself and seek support that encourages authenticity.
I appreciate you being here (as a reader and human being).
Respectfully,
Dustin.
my worst situation with my