This blog post will be personal, one that I hope resonates with the reader.
My name is Dustin Horvath. I am a husband and a father to two girls who remind me daily that curiosity and excitement are infectious aspects of childhood. I watch my oldest daughter react with genuine joy when I interact with her stuffed toys as if they are real people or animals. My youngest is less than a year old, but she smiles brightly and giggles in the cutest way when she sees me make goofy faces at her or smile. I am a lucky person.
My wife is a psychologist, and we met after she finished her undergraduate degree in psychology. I had just finished my (first) master’s degree in literacy in the summer of 2011. We worked together but found ourselves talking a lot and getting to know each other. She is smart, insightful, and caring, but also the perfect type-A personality - an organized and reliable counterpart to my ADHD maelstrom of disorganization. She’s beautiful on the inside and out. We’ve learned a lot from each other while learning a lot about each other and ourselves. We are a great blend of personalities with aligned goals and interests.
I had considered forming this business years ago to challenge my creativity and fuel my passion for helping others; however, I didn’t believe I could actually do it. My wife was the source of support and insistence that I at least try it. She’s usually right, so I decided to give this a shot. I’m happy - if not horrified at times - I didn’t give up on this opportunity. I say “horrified” because putting yourself out there is a scary thing – you want what you generate to be good quality, for it to resonate with others who share it, to face potential judgment or criticism, but also because it means you need to explore new ideas to help shape the perspectives of others as well as yourself.
With that said, I will not be doing TikTok dances.
Who am I?
Great question, and one that I pose to myself often. I might be an adult, married with kids, but I still have moments of introspection about my future, my goals, what’s working and what isn’t, and how I can be a good role model for my daughters. I think that’s a good thing – not being too set in my ways and finding ways to remain flexible.
I rarely bring up having ADHD with people outside of immediate family or with the parents/students that I work with in the appropriate context. It’s not a point of shame or embarrassment; it’s more so that having ADHD is as much a part of who I am as other aspects of my personality and mannerisms. I think ADHD is a very visible “invisible” disability - if that makes sense. If you came into my workspace, you’d assess that I probably have it pretty quickly judging by the papers on my desk and the collection of books left in bins that haven’t been neatly organized onto my bookshelf. Don’t get me wrong, I am reasonably organized; it just has to fit my style. That mindset has helped me overcome the feelings of being “less than” or “shame” that I’ve been made to feel for much of my life.
I was the kid who pushed my homework into my backpack, forgetting I had folders, pencils, and pens in various pockets and always missing a pen cap. I’d forget my locker combination frequently, even if I had to use it daily in school. I was shy and introverted but (too) loud amongst friends when I wanted to be. That part is somewhat still true in adulthood.
My mind works quickly, but I’m easily bored; I can hyperfocus on something niche, but if something doesn’t immediately spark my interest, I struggle to motivate myself to try. I can be quick-witted and funny, but sometimes, I struggle to muster the energy to socialize. However, I love working with people, especially those who are passionate and insightful. I find that working and helping others keeps me from becoming complacent in my thinking. Teaching - especially adolescents and young adults - will humble you and make you recognize that you still have much to learn, for good reason. I guess my references to The Simpsons or movies like Tommy Boy don’t land the way they used to…
Experience as an Educator.
Erik Erikson outlined one stage of human development that involves generativity, or the responsibility of people to reach back to help the younger generations. I find that this practice has helped keep me optimistic and youthful – not in a “fountain of youth” kind of way, but to ensure that others get the kind of support I did when I was younger and needed help. I always knew I wanted to help others; it was just how I would do it.
I sought education because I wanted to help others in the same manner I was supported. I found teaching to be a mix of refreshing and overwhelming. On the one hand, I liked the idea of running a classroom and establishing a structure that would help illuminate the minds of others to foster a love of learning in an environment that didn’t stifle creativity. However, actually running a classroom and managing behavior, preparation, and tracking data were all a constant source of stress for me.
In 2017, I taught my first college course as an adjunct, and immediately, I was hooked. There is something to teaching in college that just “fit” for me. As I built up my experience teaching different courses and repeating course content, I relaxed into my lecturing approach. With that comfort, I was able to engage my students more naturally. Over time, class discussions felt less forced, and students took more ownership to contribute! This might not seem like much, but it’s a great indicator that the class is comfortable talking and engaging each other. It’s also great not having to speak for a moment, ha!
What has always been consistent for me in teaching is the connection I foster with my students. I worked to build trust and communication with my students from day one, and I am cognizant that respect is a two-way street; I always remembered the teachers who were personable, professional, and open to talking with me before or after class. Even “small” aspects like giving feedback or responding to emails in a timely manner – I never wanted anyone in my class to be unsure of their status and to have a working idea of how they can improve the quality of their work. Not just for me but overall as future young professionals. It’s easy to assume the position of the “authority” in the classroom, and as a teacher, you need to maintain control. Still, opportunities for learning can and should come from every person in that environment.
I always tried to remind myself that my job is facilitating learning, not simply being in charge.
Experience as a Student.
Again, drawing from what has already been covered, I spent much time as a student feeling confused and sensed something was amiss in my learning. Elementary school was challenging, but middle school was where my frustration began to hit the ceiling. I still remember, 24 years later, sitting in my eighth-grade math class near tears, completely bewildered by the content being covered. I would stay after school, redo the work, rewrite the information, and ask questions – genuinely trying to make sense of what was inaccessible on a daily basis.
I was starting to internalize the message that I was dumb.
High school came with a mix of challenges and successes; I liked history and my ELA classes, but I was still struggling in math and sciences. Chemistry was another class that almost broke me, and I barely covered the required math courses to earn my diploma. I felt my teachers' collective relief when I passed the state tests. If I remember correctly, my chemistry teacher called me to let me know I had passed, and my response was to the effect of, “You’re shitting me.” I apologized for my language, but he laughed off my surprise and happiness.
Again, sorry, Mr. Langella.
What was different in high school was my support network had positively changed, and I finally got the classification of ADHD - something that helped to label what seemed to be missing. I remember being in the car with my dad, who struggled and suffered tremendously in school, trying to explain the results of my testing to me. To give him credit, he genuinely tried to understand what the psychologist told him, and to put it into words, I would understand. In effect, “You’re bright, but you struggle with words and organizing yourself.” I had never heard that I was “bright” before – I think I immediately dismissed this as a way to soften the overall message. However, I saw my test results and found that my dad wasn’t just being kind.
Now, I am not mentioning this as a “look at me!” humblebrag moment. At the time, I didn’t know that having ADHD does not impact intelligence but that it can be a deficit in how intelligence can be harnessed. Around the start of college, I couldn’t reconcile the negative experiences I had experienced in and out of school; however, I was starting to see there was more to my abilities than the self-perception of being the “broken clock being right twice a day.” Outcomes were not by happenstance, I was in the driver’s seat of decision-making.
I needed to take time to see how my actions impacted other people and myself.
Doing well on an exam wasn’t luck any more than failure wasn’t my teacher's fault.
One aspect of learning in a classroom setting that remained consistent was the motivation to complete work. If I didn’t immediately see how an assignment was “necessary” or connected to something bigger (i.e., “busy work”), I struggled to get it done. I respected that an English or math teacher needs to drill their students to ensure that the skills taught are practiced and internalized; however, the repetition with minimal novelty made it difficult for me to “care.” Some of my education courses involved demonstration lessons – essentially preparing a lesson and presenting it as if I were really teaching it to a class of elementary students. This was the novel assignment I needed to light the fires of motivation. Nonetheless, I still struggled with organizing and structuring the lesson plan. I would drum up all these interesting ideas, but nothing would fit together because ideas would come and go throughout the planning process. What was conventional, proven, but predictable was “boring” to me; I wanted to tap into unique teaching moments. I was chasing after something that was not realistic in daily practice.
What is the Takeaway here?
Fair enough, I have a tendency to prattle on…
To sum all of this up, I was reverse engineering my understanding of myself while still learning new things to help build up my future career. I look at this approach as building the track as the train is moving. When I was mentally ready for it, I enjoyed the rush of taking on a lot of different tasks and straining to get it all done. What I should have focused on, however, was the diminishing returns of this type of work ethic. It’s hard to focus on the rudiments of basic but competent stick handling as a drummer when you are also trying to keep up with the likes of Neil Peart or Buddy Rich.
Quiet consistency and dedication trump uneven flashiness.
Once I recognized my tendency to take on too much impulsively, I started to produce higher quality and less anxiety-laden work. Less is more. Measure twice, cut once. And so on. I needed to experience the rush of being proud of my work over the “pride” of being able to “take on” a lot of assignments. Perhaps I am a people-pleaser, not wanting to say no in order to avoid establishing healthy boundaries. I had to learn to dial in how much “last minuteness” was realistic for me to get something done without botching the execution of the task. I still have to remind myself that I am not just jumping through a hoop for the sake of jumping but building my knowledge base, strengthening my skill set, and making a good impression on the person I am working with.
Closing.
I am still learning how I learn, how motivation can be harnessed when unmotivated, and how to communicate my needs to others proactively. Forgiveness is difficult but necessary to work through internalized hangups with learning and achievement. Failure doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust yourself; it just highlights areas where additional learning and practice are needed. It’s a matter of taking the time and withholding frustration to follow through.
Starting this business meant putting myself out more, which has been great but terrifying. Frankly, writing this blog post was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. However, I want to establish a bond with readers, so I am focusing on the potential good that can come from this piece of writing. That mindset has helped me follow through on posting on Instagram or writing these blog posts – perhaps one person will benefit from this, so why not take the chance?
Lastly, this short-form autobiographical writing has also reminded me of the struggles and successes I have experienced and that stressors may look different today than they did 20+ years ago. Still, I have learned a lot about how to manage them.
I intend to add to this piece with other blog posts periodically when new ideas or memories strike me that might benefit someone else. I don’t intend on just oversharing about myself for the sake of ego.
Thank You!
A small thank you to you, the person reading this. I appreciate your time and willingness to read my posts. Please join me in the comments with your experiences and anecdotes of success or setbacks.
Until next week!
Respectfully,
Dustin.
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