Recently, I posted this question to a subreddit to get some insights into the experiences of other neurodivergent people before they were formally tested and identified with a disability. I was surprised by how many responses I got, so I compiled them based on the frequency of descriptions given.
I have also removed usernames to protect identities.
By posing this question and sharing the responses, I aim to illuminate the experiences of children who are often labeled as 'different' but may not receive the necessary support.
How Neurodivergent Children are Described
Childhood is filled with expectations that are communicated verbally and nonverbally; these messages become internalized as a “script” that manifests future beliefs, thoughts, and actions. However, what might seem like well-intended or off-handed remarks can lead to internalized ableism or stigma that may stunt future expectations of self.
Self-limiting negative self-talk.
Self-comparison to peers who are “normal.”
Difficulties finding accomplishment or joy due to perceiving oneself as “different.”
In other words, if you are viewed as a “square peg” in a world of “round holes,” your efforts may feel futile when you do not measure up to others.
A lack of validation for personal efforts toward growth and making positive change.
Difficulties with identifying personal values, passions, and future goal-setting.
Struggles with self-knowledge, self-efficacy, and self-advocacy skills.
In addition, for a lot of neurodivergent children, being uneducated about their condition may lead to internalized stereotyping; essentially, actions are predetermined by stereotypical views rather than one’s individual needs and actions.
Identifying one’s differences as personal strengths rather than being “quirky” or “awkward.”
The emphasis here is on constructing support networks that affirm unique needs based on authentic self-knowledge.
Authenticity fosters self-determination, grit, and a willingness to strive for achievement.
Combating stereotypes and misinformation requires openness to learn and experiment from the student, their family, friends, and professionals. Neuroaffirming care provides holistic opportunities for personal discovery and growth; however, these developments do not occur in a vacuum.
Stakeholders in the neurodivergent person’s life can help reduce stigmatization.
Stakeholders can help facilitate communication development that is tailored to the ND individual.
Stakeholders can model problem-solving and decision-making skills while promoting individual autonomy.
One common thread among many of the posts reflected smart but misunderstood children who could somehow accomplish "difficult" tasks or understand higher-level concepts but failed at the basics. This may lead to additional social pressure from peers; "how could someone like you get this right?"
Quite a few people also commented that they were seen as "too sensitive" or overly emotional. They experienced strong emotions at a young age, were particular in their interests or routines, and were "obstinate" to expectations they didn't understand or agree with.
Personally speaking, one of the worst comments from adults involves not living up to potential. In other words, you have the capacity to do great things, yet you fail to make that kind of progress.
Potential implies greatness, but it also creates anxieties and difficulties in recognizing one's own accomplishments.
It manufactures a "finish line" of greatness that is never established, nor is it attainable.
As you can see from this comment, reliving these experiences can create a lot of strong feelings.
You don't "measure up," so I am frustrated with you. Please go away.
What Can We Do About These Descriptions?
Educating ourselves, encouraging self-discovery, and recognizing individual strengths and needs.
Encourage individual decisions and support them.
Withhold the need to label things as "awkward" or "different."
Allow the child space to learn how they learn best.
Model openness of communication, patience, and follow-through.
As individuals and as a society, we need to revisit what is conventional and encourage diversity. Invite new ideas, practices, and ways of self-expression.
Establish neuro-friendly spaces that allow for accessibility needs and sensory-regulation needs.
Restructure learning environments that promote sensory needs, especially early in life.
Respectfully,
Dustin.
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